I’m bipolar, are you?

Learning you are bipolar will probably give you some relief that you aren’t crazy or losing your mind. Most likely you’ll find out from being hospitalized. Either you or someone who loves you has no idea what is happening with you but they know something isn’t right. There is a list of things that they are seeing and know its not normal. Your behavior is erratic, out of control, unexpected, out of character, sudden, confusing, not your morals, dangerous, mean and the list goes on. But those are just some of the big tell tale signs.

What all those signs are is mania or a high. They include a word ”grandiose”. You are untouchable. Spending massive amounts of money that you don’t have. Promiscuous behavior, sleeping with multiple partners. People you may not know, one night stands, cheating and so on. Destructive is another one. You have no conscious. You say mean and nasty things. You destroy objects, property, you may hurt yourself and others that love you. And in all these symptoms you don’t care.
These are usually what put you in the emergency room under a 48 to 72 hour hold. But it could also be the other side of bipolar as well. It could be your low when you come down from the high. Thats the depression, and it can feel as though your life cannot go on. Its usually a deep depression and you threaten suicide. You usually get that from the destruction you left in your path from being manic. The repercussions of your behavior leave you helpless. All you can do is think about how bad your brain and entire body feel. The only thing that can make that gut wrenching sadness go away is to die.

Now if you make it through all of that without ending up in the hospital you will eventually level out. Thats when you try to make amends, try to fix the mess you created, plead with those you may have hurt to forgive you and so on. If its your first time offense most of those around you will forgive and move on. The bad part is bipolar has ebbs and flows. And it never really is gone. Its still lurking. Making minor bad decisions.

”Blurting” is when you say hurtful and mean things They can be nasty and out of control. Another part is ”Control”. Bipolar people like to feel and have everything in their control. So they do or say whatever they have to to get their way. This is why people with untreated bipolar lose so many friends and even family. You see your friends and family get to a breaking point where they can no longer be around a toxic person.

I myself have lost numerous friends because of my disorder.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar with deep depression when I was in my late 20’s. I ended up in the ER after saying things about dying because I couldn’t understand why people were mean to me when I was only saying what was true to them like ”your kids are out of control”, ”I don’t know why you don’t have time to clean your house, you don’t do anything else”. And things always had to be my way and if they weren’t I went for the jugular.

So I ended up in the ER and then transferred to a mental health treatment facility. I was miserable. It was a psych ward that was almost like a jail. Overcrowded, under staffed and all around a shit show. So I discharged myself and went home only to be in the same spot as I was before. This time my husband found a facility that was a hundred times better and I checked myself in. This is where I was officially diagnosed. But the bipolar was a lower grade of bipolar. I was mainly treated for the depression. I checked myself out after a week thinking I was well. It lasted quite awhile, my wellness. But then as usual my depression that came out in anger most the time came right back. I suffered for years until an anti depressant I was prescribed actually worked. It had to have been around the 6th one I’d tried. Finally! I didn’t just lay in bed feeling hopeless and helpless. And for many years it worked.
I think I’ve filled your brains with enough for today. I’ve given you the basics of bipolar disorder but there is so much more.

This blog will be mostly about my struggles with this life altering incurable disorder. But I will also include other stories and facts. I am in no way a professional in the medical field or by far a writer. This blog is to hopefully help others and a way of therapy for myself. I hope you will learn from this blog and even leave positive comments or questions.

You can follow my instagram @bipolarbeauties

I made this in my last treatment. I love art therapy. This is how I feel my brain looks.

2 responses to “I’m bipolar, are you?”

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